I have some decent energy today, which means I'm baking cupcakes from scratch and cleaning most of the kitchen. My episodes haven't been lasting very long, but when I'm down, I'm severely depressed for all in all about twenty minutes to an hour. I'm not on any medications, so it could just be some lasting manic symptoms from my old medication. I really wish though I could have my Adderall back, so I can focus a little better, and eat less. That would be really nice if I could stop shoving food in my face hole again.
Lately my hormones have been on and off. And honestly one thing I really want to do is suck some major dick. But that's just me, I like giving head because its a mindless activity. It doesn't matter if it's an actual face-fucking, or I'm doing all the work, it's fun. But I haven't been able to do it much lately, and my jaw gets sore easily now and I can't throat very far without gagging up something awful. Honestly, if I had a submissive I would probably make them face-fuck a dildo every night for like a half hour, which will help open up the throat, suppress the gag reflex, and make my jaw last a little longer. It's little things like that I like, wearing plugs for so long every day, masturbating without getting off, etc. I know I like to say that I don't like being micromanaged, but it's the only thing that usually works for me. I don't know of anyone with time and energy to do that, so I try to rely on other means. Jesus, just tell me what the fuck to do and I'll usually do it, but I don't always just do anything. Dominance sometimes has to be established, training has to be done, it's not like a perfect submissive comes out of nowhere.
Of course, I've been pretty terrible lately. I haven't able to focus on it lately because of the depression lately. So I screwed up, it's no one's fault on that. Sometimes I just wish I had another chance to kind of prove myself again. But we'll see I suppose, things have been getting mildly better, so maybe things will change. Maybe.
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