Annoying Exboyfriends

I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to start blogging more. Since writing in an actual diary takes too long, I've decided to bring this back to life. I had deleted everything out of it because I had dated a crazy exboyfriend who had a ton of jealousy issues, so he would look back on my blog postings and just freak the fuck out. Anyway, I'll talk about him later.

Right now my life is going as smooth as possible at this point. I'm energetic, I'm happy. Mostly because of my medication, but ah, well.

Back in October they started me on Abilify to help curb my bipolar (which, gets worse with stress I figured out). It helped, I suddenly had energy, I was getting up early, I was getting shit done. And then, suddenly, it stopped working. So they upped my dose, again and again. I'd get hyper and energetic, and suddenly fall apart at the seams. I became lethargic, dazed. I didn't have the energy to even put makeup on or get out of bed. I stopped going to classes, and I stopped doing homework. I couldn't focus, I'd stare at my book for like, half an hour trying to read, but being unable to do so.

I wanted to die, and one night I sat in my room, crying because I couldn't control anything anymore, counting the number of sleeping pills I had, wondering if that'd be enough to kill me. My exboyfriend came over and consoled me, and eventually I fell asleep. I had a doctor's appointment, and I told them how things were. They just think I'm super duper depressed, that the drug Abilify had nothing to do with how I was feeling. (Yeah, sure.) So they prescribed me Adderall, and some other drug to help perk me up.

Well, I'm pretty perky that's for fucking sure. I get shit done now, and I love it. I can actually focus and do things, unlike I used to be. Things are looking up, I can paint and draw again no problems, and I can get a lot done in a short amount of time, which is super enjoyable. So with my free time I play Harvest Moon, watch Netflix, and cook. I haven't been eating as much and I'm starting to slowly lose some weight. Score!

This is what I work on in class. Collages and paintings.

Alright, so my week hasn't been completely rainbows and unicorns. My exboyfriend has been hounding me, he's often obsessed with me for short periods of time, (like a week or so) and then decides he hates my guts for no reason. What a tool. So I've decided I'm cutting him out completely out of my life. I just need to figure out how to block him on Fetlife when he keeps deactivating his profile. It's like playing an annoying game of cat and mouse with that fucker. But he has issues with me being so sexually open, so he's insecure and jealous. Typical.

Today I had quinoa for the first time. What the fuck. Why is it so delicious, and weird? I'm not quite used to it, but I do indeed love it. I had it with some baked chicken and steamed broccoli. I do love food.

I'll be posting a lot more often, so we shall see how things go. Toodles!